Ten Places Not To Wear This Hat

I came across this gem the other day. This 'handsome' and 'humorous' cap promises 'plenty of smiles from onlookers'. I know that if I saw this on my dear Grandpa's head, I'd probably giggle and shake my head, hoping that he didn't wear it in public. However, not all people are as sweet as my Grandpa. There's an inherent risk in wearing a hat like this. Here's my advice, directed specifically to senior discount-seekers considering investment in this cap...

Let's face it; not everyone gets along. Should you disagree with someone while wearing this hat, it could quickly become your worst attire decision of the day. If you happen to butt heads with someone who is paying through the nose for Social Security right now even though they'll likely never see a cent of it down the road, you'll want to back off about the 50-cent discount.

In an effort to keep the peace between seniors and others, I assembled a list of top five places/situations NOT to don this 'embroidered, not just a patch' yet 'comfortable' hat:

10.) Library: It's already free. It's like a slap in the face to the girl behind the counter as she scans your large-prints.

9.) Dining: Besides the obvious risk of spittage in your food, servers will know you're that lousy tipper at Table 32.

8.) Online Dating: If you happen to be single and looking for love, this hat is not flattering. Especially if you list your age as 45.

7.) Bureau of Motor Vehicles: With this big target on your forehead, BMV employees will insist on an eyesight re-test.

6.) Job Interview: Cracker Barrel might foresee a potential connection between you and patrons, but not many other hiring managers will view this as a plus.

5.) State or Federal Court Proceedings: You won't want to be discounted here, particularly as senile.

4.) House-Hunting: In the market for highly contested house or condo? This hat will put you out of the running in a hurry.

3.) IRS Audit: This hat won't exactly scream 'I'm clean' in the interview.

2.) Religious Services: First of all, this hat does not entitle you to a reduced offertory donation. Plus, you'd hate to cause so many other seniors in the congregation to covet thy neighbor's cap.

1.) Surgical Procedures: Fortunately, if you're the one on the table, they require removal of all clothing/accessories prior to surgery. Maybe because they saw too many 'Don't Forget My Senior Discount' caps.